My mother's curse
by Snow Flower
Summary: Sakura died giving birth and her young daughter survived. A little angst fic from the dausghters POV


A/N: Wah!!!!! I was so happy to even find I had three reviews!!!! Thank you so much to all of you out there who bothered to read my very firstest story..*sigh* I was soo happy!! Thank you very much to fireblaze, molten- amber and White Reflections. *Squeal* made me feel sooo happy ...thanks a lot Newayz..to the story!!!  
  
  
  
My mother's curse. By Snow Flower  
  
I never really knew my father.  
  
We were never close.  
  
I think that remind him too much of my mother for him to love me for who I really am. I don't really mind, it's just that....there are so many things that I would like to know.  
  
I've only lived with him for two years.  
  
The other thirteen years of my life, I was given to Tomoyo-oba and Eriol- oji, to be taken care of. I think it hurt my father too much to even look at me.  
  
My father remarried when I was 7. His wife was very pretty, but he didn't look happy on his wedding day. I think he still carries the sorrow of my mother's death even till this day.  
  
I know the wedding wasn't my father's idea. It must've been Obaasan's idea, Tomoyo-oba always said that Obaasan was always pressuring 'touchan into things.  
  
I remember the few words my father had said to me on the day of his wedding. I was sitting there with Eriol-Oji when my father took me away and tried to talk to me. I could see the pain in his eyes as he tried his best to look into my emerald eyes. I knew it was hard for him.  
  
He knelt down and whispered to me, "I never betrayed your mother by marrying Yi Ming.remember that"  
  
I just nodded, then for the first time, he smiled, "I'm sorry," he continued, "I was never there for you..," he ruffled my brown hair, much like his, "you remind me so much of her." he whispered before kissing me on the cheek and walking away to talk to his guests.  
  
I never forgot those words, even until this day. He had spoken with such tenderness, such compassion, it felt as though I had known him for all my life, but...that is a lie.  
  
My father never would send me presents, never a phone call, never even a visit to Japan to see me. Never would he send me a birthday card, for it was the anniversary of my mother's death.  
  
We never even celebrated my birthday in Tomoyo-oba and Eriol-oji's home. We'd celebrate a week later. I guess it was because it would seem wrong to celebrate on the anniversary of my mother's death, something that was supposed to be special. Tomoyo-oba said that I was very lucky to still be around.  
  
Obaasan from father's side had once told me that I was a curse. That if I'd have never been born, my mother would still be alive and father would be happy.  
  
Whenever I mention the topic to Tomoyo-oba, she'd always try to direct our conversation in a different way.  
  
I know nothing about my mother. I wouldn't even know what she looked like if I hadn't asked Touya-oji for some pictures. He wouldn't tell me about her, just that she was a really amazing person and gave me photos of her.  
  
At times when I remember what Touya-oji said about my mother, I feel guilt. Guilt for depriving the world of such a wonderful person. Ojiichan on mother's side was one of the only people who didn't treat me as if I had a disease of some sort.  
  
We would go off together and he'd love me for who I really was, he didn't treat me any different. Even sometimes Tomoyo-oba and Eriol-oji had difficulty looking at me.  
  
They had trouble saying my name, Sakura; Ojiichan had named me after my mother. Since Tomoyo-oba and Eriol-oji had trouble saying my name, they would just call me Kahen (petal).  
  
My father's mother on the other hand called me Tatari (curse).  
  
My father had never addressed me; we had hardly ever spoken so when he was talking to me, I'd know.  
  
But....Ojiisan died a while ago. I remember the final words he'd said to me, "Don't let anyone push you down.Show them that you are special.that you were a gift from the heavens, not a curse... She would've loved you so much.they just don't seem to see. But remember, there are always people out there who love you very much, and I will always be there, you'll just have to call, okay? No matter what, watashi no chibi tenshi." He smiled softly before he sighed and passed away.  
  
I cried by myself for a long time after that. I felt that the only person that I had ever loved, the only person who had ever made me feel special, the only person who seemed to notice me had been taken away. But, I held in my tears in public and didn't show my sadness, just showed that I was proud.  
  
Proud to be loved by Ojiichan.  
  
After Ojiichan died, my father took me to Hong Kong to live with Yi Ming and their 5 year old son, Zhong Wei.  
  
Over these two years, I can see the childhood I missed out on, a family I never had, a father who was never there, a mother who died giving birth to me, a mother who died bringing me into this world.  
  
Then I realized, my mother gave her life, to give me a life and I will forever be grateful. I realized that I must live life to the fullest and follow Ojiichan's advice.  
  
I realized how much my mother really loved me, and how much I meant to her. I think that Ojiichan realized that a long time ago, yet no one wanted to listen. Even I thought that my life was a mistake a long time ago, until I truly understood.  
  
I thank you Ojiichan.you showed me that it doesn't matter what others think of you, doesn't matter the things that they will say, because I know that you and `kaachan will always love me.  
  
That the two of you were different to everyone else, that you saw me for who I really was, not just some little girl who thought that she was never loved, that she was guilty for causing her mothers death. You realized how I felt and treated me as someone special.  
  
Thank you.for everything.  
  
  
  
*sigh* It's done..that didn't take too long. well what do you reckon?? Please read and review thanks. 


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